Robert Frost, “The Road Not Taken”
This poem has always resonated with me, even if I haven’t always followed Frost’s advice.
I do 10-15 college interviews every year. You might think that this would be a natural, since I coach people all the time on job interviews.
However, one of the reasons I was drawn to college interviews was that Stanford did not intend them to be traditional interviews. They were set up as a chance for prospective students to get a chance to talk with alumni about their experience and anything that would help them in their evaluation.
Now I could have approached these as traditional interviews, where I worked hard to establish if this particular student should be accepted. That would lead me to ask all sorts of probing questions, as I sought to make that determination.
That would have introduced two problems:
- The acceptance rates at all top universities are so ridiculously low, I would have found myself dispirited by the seeming futility of my efforts, when I would be lucky if one student per year was actually accepted for admittance.
- The university doesn’t provide me any information other than contact info, specifically because I’m not supposed to be evaluating the student’s credentials. So I could explore a fit from the perspective of drive and personality, but would be hampered by a lack of academic context.
That actually freed me up to treat these as a chance to not just help the students with evaluating whether Stanford is the right fit for them, but also to share my philosophy on how to look at college, how to make the most of their college experience, how to use it most effectively to guide future career choices, etc. This has led to a lot of interesting dialogues, and a chance to tell my story so as to hopefully open their eyes up to future possibilities. And a lot of the students have told me afterwards how helpful that was to them.
That has made the interviews something I look forward to, even knowing that few of those students will actually be accepted. In fact, I usually tell them that we both know that we wouldn’t be talking unless they were fully qualified academically to get in, and we also both know that the acceptance rates are ridiculously low, so that it’s a crap shoot as to whether they will actually get in. So they should feel free to ask me anything that will help them in this process and in making the most of their college experience, no matter whether they are at Stanford or anywhere else.
Sometimes going towards traditional things in a non-traditional manner can make all the difference.
So I challenge you to think about your networking efforts, your messaging, and the way you interview. What might you be doing that ‘everyone else does’ that you can change up to stand out in a positive way?
For example:
- Almost everyone makes their introductions about themselves. What if you made yours exclusively about how you can help others?
- Most candidates come into interviews defensively. What if you started instead playing offense?
Try it and let me know what happens!
I have a distaste for attending networking events, as I so often encounter individuals who are focused solely on themselves and what they can gain. What I have found as while many people introduce themselves as who they help and how they haven’t taken the next step to being present to see how to help others. Networking can definitely be draining if you don’t go into it with a game plan.
Try this next time:
Go in with a goal to meet just 3 people who you would like to have a follow-up conversation with.
The goal will encourage you not to simply glom onto one person and overstay your welcome. And the modest goal of 3 will give you the chance to create a success.
When you hit your 3, you have permission to say to yourself “I’ve achieved my goal, and I think I’ll go home now.” Or you can decide to stay and aim for a 4th, or to stay and just enjoy the drinks / food. Whatever you decide is OK, you’re in charge.
Thanks, John. That’s a great suggestion. It definitely takes the pressure off to stay if the event isn’t my vibe.
This was a refreshing read.
I appreciate how you focused on choice over comparison. Doing something differently isn’t about standing out for attention but about being intentional with how you show up and the value you bring.
Thanks for this simple but powerful reminder that small, thoughtful shifts can create real distinction.
You’re welcome, Florence. It’s so much more powerful when you think about how you want to show up, rather than how you can become the center of attention.
HI John, this is a great post! I used to be hard on myself because as a business owner and creator I was drawn to do things differently from others. I thought there was something wrong with me, because the guidance I was getting from coaches I worked with wasn’t working for me. It was when I stopped putting how other people do things on a pedestal and embraced what felt authentic to me, is when things began to flourish with what I have been building. There are things that need to be implemented to have a successful business. What I have learned is ways to integrate those things into who I am authentically.
Jennifer: Authenticity is so important, and so powerful! You might want to check out what a friend is doing – she goes by Authencity Amplifier: https://www.linkedin.com/in/meganfuciarelli/