How To Kill Every Virtual Interview

Don’t you just hate wasting time on job interviews?

 

To save a lot of time and energy, here are some tried and true methods to ensure you kill off virtual interviews as quickly as possible.

 

First, don’t bother to set up a neat, professional background, good lighting, quality video camera and microphone, or a strong internet connection.  Those are for podcasters and professional influencers, not you.  If an employer wants you to have those, they should pay for it themselves.  Besides, they want to see you in your natural environment, don’t they?  Otherwise they won’t really know what it would be like working with you remotely.

 

Second, dress however you like, as appearances don’t matter.  Don’t worry if you happen to stand up and show your pajama bottoms on cam.  Oops, you forgot to wear any?

 

Third, be sure to leave your door open in case your dog, cat or child needs attention.  After all, they are cute, and no one minds them interrupting an important conversation.

 

For that matter, leave the windows open as well so you can get some fresh air.  So what if the neighbor might decide to rev up the leaf blower during the interview, you’ll probably still be able to hear most of what’s said.

 

Fourth, if your camera goes glitchy, your mic craps out, your internet session freezes, a light pops, or a pet comes running across your keyboard, be sure to (1) show how angry you are, (2) curse a few times, and (3) blame others for the problem.  That’s how you handle things that go wrong in the office, isn’t it? 

 

Fifth, make sure to surround yourself with as many notes and written-out stories as possible, so that you can read them word for word whenever needed during the interview.  That won’t distract you at all, and no one will notice the loss of eye contact.

 

Finally, don’t waste time practicing different services employers might use, like Teams or Zoom.  If you’re not familiar with where the controls are, how to turn on your cam or mic, etc., the interviewer sill just have to show some patience while you mess around.

 

What would you add to the list?