Last time we talked about a tool called The Reality Checklist (designed by Tony Robbins). This tool is very effective at helping one handle relational upsets in their personal and professional lives. You know, those misunderstandings that cause us to question another person’s intentions.
Now let’s look at the anatomy of a conversation that truly empowers the relationship when these misunderstandings occur.
Key Principles
There are a few key principles to understand when it comes to building these “bridges” in our relationships:
1. The mastery of life is the mastery of meaning.
It’s not the event that determines our reality, but the meaning we assign that event.
It’s better to come from a place of uncertainty – where you seek to clarify the meaning – rather than be certain that this person did something thoughtless, rude or vicious. Get yourself in a curiousity mindset as you prepare to have this conversation.
2. Never question a person’s intent.
This is the quickest way to destroy a relationship.
It’s okay to question behaviors (we all make mistakes), but when we question someone’s intent, we are speaking to who the person is. Remember, people are not their behaviors.
3. Remember that people are always doing the best they can with the resources they have.
Holding this perspective will help you stay out of the mindset of villainizing the other party.
4. No matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.
At the risk of being redundant, when entering this conversation, we want to have the mindset that “the jury is still out”. Upsets occur when expectations and perceptions clash. It may help to seek out the other person’s perspective before reacting.
5. Every response is either a loving communication or a cry for help.
This principle comes from the book “A Course In Miracles”. Don’t respond to “a cry for help” with another “cry for help”!
Next time, we’ll look at a real-life workplace situation and how to apply these principles to create a better relationship result.
Contributed by David C Miller, Author of The Influential Actuary