I had a dream that really fit in well with the posting I did on Martin Luther King Jr. day, about a lesson from his final essay.
In the dream, there was a stern woman on a pedestal who was there to lecture us on something. She was looking at everyone with disdain.
I had a Frisbee in my hand, and gave it a long and lazy throw. It looped around and came up behind the woman, knocking her off her pedestal.
(I have a long history with Frisbees, and am proud to have been inducted into the Northern California Frisbee Disc Hall of Fame.)
The woman wasn’t hurt, but she was angry as she climbed back up.
Now think about people you admire. You likely admire them for whatever they accomplished that put them on that pedestal.
Now what if they get knocked off?
Which person would you admire more?
- The person who got angry about their loss in stature, and immediately looked around to cast blame?
- Or the person who responded to the situation with grace, and perhaps with a chuckle, dusted themselves off, and worked to climb back up again?
It reminds me of a friend who was very well-known in local politics and had a lot of influence. I greatly respected him and his leadership.
What we didn’t know was that he was suffering from depression, had financial issues, and had ‘borrowed’ from his clients’ funds. When it came out, he didn’t try to fight it or deny it, he fully admitted what he had done, made restitution, gave up his law license and sought treatment.
He could have done what most seem to do when caught, and denied everything, taking every possible avenue to avoid the consequences. Even though what he had done was anything but admirable, the fact that he took full responsibility right from the start WAS admirable. And over time, his reputation was restored, he took on positions of great importance in the town, and once again was a person of influence.
So next time you have a setback, will you grouse and look for blame, or will you deal with it with grace?
Be grateful for a pleasant trip,
And pick yourself up, Dust yourself off, Start all over again.”
Excerpt from “Pick Yourself Up”, composed in 1936 by Jerome Kern, with lyrics written by Dorothy Fields.
Bouncing back after failure shows who we really are. Taking responsibility and staying humble rebuilds trust. Your dream reminds me falling isn’t the problem—getting up with grace and courage is what counts.
That’s so right, Agnes.
I respect the person who responded to the situation with grace and rose again through living their principles. This is how I want to be in times of difficulty, whether self-made or imposed by others. I can think of several experiences where I took this approach, and in the end, it made me feel like a better person and helped me grow.
Cindy: It sometimes can be hard to respond with grace, but as you say it’s so powerful when you do!
Sometimes, we mess up and make the wrong decisions. It’s because we’re human. When we have no self esteem, we want to blame others for our failures because we don’t feel that we are able to come back from a setback. When we learn that we are worthy of kindness from ourselves, we can accept responsibility for failure and bad decision with grace and humor, knowing that we aren’t going to crumble from the weight of our weakness.
Well expressed, Alice.
I’ve always had the attitude that if I mess up or make a wrong decision, it’s up to me to stand tall and correct it. I taught that to my grandson also when we was traveling down the wrong road. I didn’t put him down but praised him for the good he had done. Then I suggested he take the right road which he did and now he is a better person, helping others and running successful business.
If only everyone had that attitude, Martha! Good work with your grandson.