As a teenage driver, I was very concerned with following the rules of the road. I had a friend who laughed at me because late at night, with no one else on the road, I would still be using my turn signal in his neighborhood.
Would there have been much risk if, late at night with no other cars around, I hadn’t bothered to signal my turns? Or fudged a bit on my stops at the corner stop sign? Or took my turns aggressively?
Of course not.
The real risk would have been to my compliance ‘muscles’.
By relaxing the rules in that low-risk environment, I would get used to not signalling, or not fully stopping, or taking aggressive turns. This would then make it more likely that I would automatically do those same things in a situation where it mattered more. I would put myself in the situation of having to consciously think about doing them, instead of having built the muscle memory that let them happen automatically.
Now I won’t try to claim I don’t ever bend the rules, and I don’t literally follow every rule of the road as religiously as others. But I do try to drive safely, and probably am more conservative than the average driver.
The point is that what you do when no one’s looking may be (or may become) a more proper reflection of your true inclinations. And that can spill out in unintended ways. And often we are surprised to find that someone was looking, and we just didn’t notice, which can then influence how others perceive us and our actions.
It can help to think about how you want to be perceived, and how you would need to behave to achieve that. And then to keep that in mind when you are alone, and focus on building those muscles by forcing yourself to behave that way, instead of whatever way might be easiest. The more you do it, the more it will become second nature and easier to sustain. And the more that happens, the more that perception will become the reality, and you will internalize it.
So let me leave you with these questions:
- What do you do when no one is looking?
- Is that what you would want others to see?
- What are you going to do about that?
What do you think about all of this? Leave your thoughts below.
I have been told that I have high principles and hold everybody to them by a counsellor. I take that as a bit of negative. So I do do what I think is proper even when no one is looking. It causes hard times sometimes so I do try to soften up a bit by not holding everybody to them. It’s hard.
Sometimes it can be more about what you do than about how you communicate it.
I am just like you in following the driving rules no matter where I’m at. There is such a big life lesson in this example of being authentic no matter who is watching and no matter where you are! I want to be the same Larada everywhere! Thanks for the musings that made me think of that!
Authenticity is so important. You might want to follow this person:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/meganfuciarelli/
Megan is the “Authenticity Amplifier”.