Do You Over-Compete?

I like to play both Pickleball and Tennis.

 

I enjoy a challenging game with strong opponents.  But I enjoy it much more if the opponents are also enjoying themselves.  That doesn’t mean they have to actually win – just that we all have a good game.  If their enjoyment is contingent on winning, that’s a red flag for me.

 

There’s a particular open play group I’ve played with a long time, where we all started at a lower level and have grown together over time.  New players come, old players drop off, but there’s a core group of people who I really enjoy playing with.  All take the game seriously, but most don’t take themselves too seriously.

 

Now when I’m playing with others who are a bit below my level, what should I do?

 

Sure, I could slam more shots, lob over their heads regularly, hit powerful overheads, use my most difficult shots, and the game would not be close.  But if I do, what satisfaction will that bring?  They will leave frustrated, and I can’t see how my game would improve from that exercise.

 

Instead, I look for ways to extend the rallies, and a technique to work on, like the third shot drop, extended dinking, placement of my shots, bending deeper, and looking for chances to hit an ATP.  I’m not going to just hit easy shots, because everyone enjoys a challenge, I’m just not going to focus on hitting only the most difficult shots I can.  We all have a good time, and that’s the most important thing to me.

 

Unfortunately, from time to time there is a person who is too focused on winning.  They never adjust their play to match the people they are playing with, and will try to slam most shots, overpowering and sometimes hitting other players.

 

What that person may not realize is that over time, they miss out on opportunities, because some people are avoiding playing with them.  And the opportunities they can miss out on are not limited to the playing field, because that reputation may also cause people to avoid them in other situations, or to have negative feelings about them.

 

Here’s a concrete example involving someone I’ll call Susan.

 

Susan is a pretty good player.  Unfortunately, she takes things very seriously, and fairly often makes bad calls as to whether a ball was in or out.  Now we all make bad calls from time to time, but in her case they are always in her favor.  And whenever someone challenges her on such a call, she gets angry and insists she’s right, even if her partner disagrees.  Over time, most people in the group have gotten into an angry back-and-forth with her over her behavior.

 

I’m embarrassed to admit, one time I was one of those who lost their temper.  After a few minutes, I calmed down, and apologized for my behavior to the other players after the game.  They told me that they just felt sorry, because Susan was clearly wrong, but they were afraid to tell her that because then she would direct her anger at them.

 

Fortunately, Susan has seemed to get better recently – she still makes obvious bad calls, just not as frequently.  But her reputation has probably been sealed throughout the organization, and there are people who avoid her on the courts.  I know I always feel a bit uncomfortable if I’m in the same rotation with her.  In fact, I was told one group had arranged to change the official level of their sessions specifically to prevent her from playing with them anymore.

 

Now friendly competition can be a good thing.  It’s a way for you and those with whom you compete to up your game. And it also makes what you are doing more engaging and enjoyable.

• At work, this could help you build your skills and reputation, setting you up for promotion.
• In a job search, this could get you to push yourself a little harder, helping you land sooner.

 

Just be careful that it doesn’t cross over into a more cutthroat type of competition, where you start to impair your relationships and reputation.

• At work, there could be a temptation to hoard information that might be helpful to others because you want to shine; or to promote one’s own contributions to a team and downplay what others did.
• In a job search, this could cause one to jealously protect their networking contacts and information about companies or jobs, because they are afraid someone else might land the job they want.

 

It’s so much more powerful to build your reputation via that spirit of friendly competition.